My Transformation By Spica Alpheratz Originally released on Kibusho Martial Arts and Philosophy site - 1998 In my years of martial arts training, my endeavour has become a path to self enlightenment. Martial arts have aided me in a process of transformation by allowing me to express my innermost self. I cannot say martial arts hold the same meaning for me today as they did when I began as a child. At 8 years of age, I could not articulate my passion for martial arts. I only knew that I was attracted, my inclination was subconscious. Martial arts projected an image where honor and strength could be acquired. For I was only a child, I did not consider myself evil or sadistic. Yet I did not know the motives behind my desire to be victorious through violence. As my training began, I learned everything BUT honor and strength. Combat often brought about a cold reality which included winning & losing. I was forced to abandon my 'ideal' onesided picture of life. I learned to accept a 'total' reality which included both sides to life, winning AND losing. Combat is the imposition of ones will upon another. The fighter's basic attitude toward the world and how he/she relates to it is expressed in combat. Hostility occurs from fear and disharmony with the subject and his/her universe. In every fighters mind, he/she expects to succeed. However, nature plays no favorites as all must be prepared to lose one day. The artist serious about achieving greatness must learn to throw away his/her ego. He/she learns to embrace humility as the reailty of combat is constant reminder of ones weakness. The artist learns to view him/herself as an object, free of feeling from the self in his/her endless quest for perfection. I learned to take the barks and scoldings from my master. I accepted it because I knew it would lead to 'true' self improvement. I very well could have quit to keep my self-esteem and illusions of myself intact; yet 'truth' was of concern to my mind. With each passing year: my muscles became stronger, my movements finer. Self-confidence arose from the sense of empowerment from the ability to shape my life. When I originally began my training I could have never accepted defeat. Defeat was always justified with excuses to deny my opponent had the better of me. All those who challenged me aroused my anger. My fury in fighting was conviction to myself that I was not weak. I feared weakness. I acted hard but was brittle. But as the years progressed, I could claim to true physical prowess, but did not. Those who challenged me brought nothing more than a smile. I did not claim to always be victorious, nor did I care. My mind had emptied, stilled and calmed. My soul had extended as I did not fear to look into the reality of myself. When I began training I feared others, yet I denied it. My interest in fighting was to mask my true feelings. Back then, I evaluated myself of where I stood in relation to others. I defined myself against those whom I had power over and not. Martial arts became my shield and illusion. Conquering an opponent meant seperation and distinguishment; thus protecting my identity and securing my sense of self worth. Now when I fight, my mind is like that of a new born babe. I think not of winning or losing, I simply respond. Defeat and as well as victory is shrugged, my mind feels no attachment to one-sided illusions. From my weakness do I realize my strength. 'The softest thing cannot be snapped'(Tao Te Ching). My strength is in my pliability, it cannot be hurt anymore than water can be hurt by punching it. So martial arts have led to the realization of myself in totality. I am neither fighter, philosopher, sage, man or child, I simply am...
My Transformation
By Spica Alpheratz
Originally released on Kibusho Martial Arts and Philosophy site - 1998
In my years of martial arts training, my endeavour has become a path to self enlightenment. Martial arts have aided me in a process of transformation by allowing me to express my innermost self.
I cannot say martial arts hold the same meaning for me today as they did when I began as a child.
At 8 years of age, I could not articulate my passion for martial arts. I only knew that I was attracted, my inclination was subconscious. Martial arts projected an image where honor and strength could be acquired.
For I was only a child, I did not consider myself evil or sadistic. Yet I did not know the motives behind my desire to be victorious through violence.
As my training began, I learned everything BUT honor and strength. Combat often brought about a cold reality which included winning & losing. I was forced to abandon my 'ideal' onesided picture of life. I learned to accept a 'total' reality which included both sides to life, winning AND losing.
Combat is the imposition of ones will upon another. The fighter's basic attitude toward the world and how he/she relates to it is expressed in combat. Hostility occurs from fear and disharmony with the subject and his/her universe.
In every fighters mind, he/she expects to succeed. However, nature plays no favorites as all must be prepared to lose one day. The artist serious about achieving greatness must learn to throw away his/her ego. He/she learns to embrace humility as the reailty of combat is constant reminder of ones weakness. The artist learns to view him/herself as an object, free of feeling from the self in his/her endless quest for perfection.
I learned to take the barks and scoldings from my master. I accepted it because I knew it would lead to 'true' self improvement. I very well could have quit to keep my self-esteem and illusions of myself intact; yet 'truth' was of concern to my mind.
With each passing year: my muscles became stronger, my movements finer. Self-confidence arose from the sense of empowerment from the ability to shape my life.
When I originally began my training I could have never accepted defeat. Defeat was always justified with excuses to deny my opponent had the better of me. All those who challenged me aroused my anger. My fury in fighting was conviction to myself that I was not weak. I feared weakness. I acted hard but was brittle.
But as the years progressed, I could claim to true physical prowess, but did not. Those who challenged me brought nothing more than a smile. I did not claim to always be victorious, nor did I care. My mind had emptied, stilled and calmed. My soul had extended as I did not fear to look into the reality of myself. When I began training I feared others, yet I denied it. My interest in fighting was to mask my true feelings. Back then, I evaluated myself of where I stood in relation to others. I defined myself against those whom I had power over and not. Martial arts became my shield and illusion. Conquering an opponent meant seperation and distinguishment; thus protecting my identity and securing my sense of self worth.
Now when I fight, my mind is like that of a new born babe. I think not of winning or losing, I simply respond. Defeat and as well as victory is shrugged, my mind feels no attachment to one-sided illusions. From my weakness do I realize my strength. 'The softest thing cannot be snapped'(Tao Te Ching). My strength is in my pliability, it cannot be hurt anymore than water can be hurt by punching it.
So martial arts have led to the realization of myself in totality. I am neither fighter, philosopher, sage, man or child, I simply am...